bazolomew: (Misc Stickynotes)
[personal profile] bazolomew
It's been a while again.

I moved from that terrible place in Casmalia sooner than I thought I would thanks to my landlady letting me know 4 days before her final day that she (ergo "we") was (were) getting evicted. She also didn't have enough money to pay me back the $400 security deposit, nor the pro-rated rest of the month money that I was losing out on. If my mother hadn't been able to put a quick couple hundred in my account I seriously would have been homeless. I'm looking into either pressing charges or suing her to get the money back, but I learned I can't sue her without her address and all I know is that she's living at her mother's house. And I don't know her maiden name.

Since then, I moved into the place where a co-worker and friend lives with no problems at all. She was a life saver in asking her landlord if I could live there. This place is so much better based on the people who live here as well as the room. I have a queen sized bed for the first time ever! It's also a really nice house in a very nice neighbourhood. The only downside is my cats have to stay in my bedroom with me, but it's a fairly large room so they're doing fine.

Pride and Prejudice build went really well, and I've recently been on a turning kick. Our Master Carpenter tried to raise shop morale (which had been down in the shit hole thanks to a series of dumb decisions from above for 2 weeks) by teaching us how to use the lathe. So far I'm the only one who is really truly into it. I've made 2 bowls and a goblet so far and I'm planning on making more whenever I have the chance. I love turning so much... it's fun and addictive. I'm not looking forward to the time when I leave and am forced away from Bart, his incredible knowledge, and his awesome tools.

At the beginning of April we went hiking at this place off the CA 154 called "The Playground". It's really just a wide open area full of rock formations and boulders. We essentially were bouldering the entire time. Even though the weather was pretty terrible, it was absolutely fantastic. My sense of direction prevailed and we went through rocks for a time, then decided to go back a different route and got ourselves deep into a lush bushy foresty area and had to climb ourselves out and back up to where we began. It was all about teamwork and so much fun.

The other thing I've done this month was have a mini-vacation down in Long Beach. We went to a Gay Bar (the first time I ever have) and I felt so much at home. I think I've decided, in a way, what I'm looking for in a relationship, and was pleased to see that it might even be possible. I've come to accept that I have had significant gender dysphoria my entire life and it has deeply affected me and how I live. Society has been forcing me to put labels on myself, which I try to resist and hate, but last year I felt like the closest way to describe me is as a gay man in a woman's body. That's not entirely accurate, as I am attracted to women as well, but it's the closest to what I truly desire in a relationship. I've also come to realize that almost all men are not looking for that sort of relationship with a biological woman, which is why all my heterosexual relationships have been disastrous. Thus, I think I've decided that my ideal person is another woman with at least a certain amount of gender dysphoria of her own. That way we can be men when we want to be and women when we don't and be relatively on the same page. (Which is, incidentally, why I've always been drawn to people I meet through fandom. When I'm roleplaying a male character with another male character, that's essentially what I want to be able to do all the time in real life as well, thus why I repeatedly attempt to turn roleplaying relationships into RL ones. Not that I'm judging that, though. Some of my best and most honest-to-myself moments have been in those type of relationships. I just wish I could meet someone who isn't already married, lol!)

I've been doing a bit of thinking over the past couple months, if you couldn't tell.

Anyway, I'm about to go to the Doctor to have the whole shit ton of bug bites I've somehow acquired looked at, but I may post more later. I'm sorry I'm so wishy-washy on posting.
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