bazolomew: (Misc Stickynotes)
It's been a while again.

I moved from that terrible place in Casmalia sooner than I thought I would thanks to my landlady letting me know 4 days before her final day that she (ergo "we") was (were) getting evicted. She also didn't have enough money to pay me back the $400 security deposit, nor the pro-rated rest of the month money that I was losing out on. If my mother hadn't been able to put a quick couple hundred in my account I seriously would have been homeless. I'm looking into either pressing charges or suing her to get the money back, but I learned I can't sue her without her address and all I know is that she's living at her mother's house. And I don't know her maiden name.

Since then, I moved into the place where a co-worker and friend lives with no problems at all. She was a life saver in asking her landlord if I could live there. This place is so much better based on the people who live here as well as the room. I have a queen sized bed for the first time ever! It's also a really nice house in a very nice neighbourhood. The only downside is my cats have to stay in my bedroom with me, but it's a fairly large room so they're doing fine.

Pride and Prejudice build went really well, and I've recently been on a turning kick. Our Master Carpenter tried to raise shop morale (which had been down in the shit hole thanks to a series of dumb decisions from above for 2 weeks) by teaching us how to use the lathe. So far I'm the only one who is really truly into it. I've made 2 bowls and a goblet so far and I'm planning on making more whenever I have the chance. I love turning so much... it's fun and addictive. I'm not looking forward to the time when I leave and am forced away from Bart, his incredible knowledge, and his awesome tools.

At the beginning of April we went hiking at this place off the CA 154 called "The Playground". It's really just a wide open area full of rock formations and boulders. We essentially were bouldering the entire time. Even though the weather was pretty terrible, it was absolutely fantastic. My sense of direction prevailed and we went through rocks for a time, then decided to go back a different route and got ourselves deep into a lush bushy foresty area and had to climb ourselves out and back up to where we began. It was all about teamwork and so much fun.

The other thing I've done this month was have a mini-vacation down in Long Beach. We went to a Gay Bar (the first time I ever have) and I felt so much at home. I think I've decided, in a way, what I'm looking for in a relationship, and was pleased to see that it might even be possible. I've come to accept that I have had significant gender dysphoria my entire life and it has deeply affected me and how I live. Society has been forcing me to put labels on myself, which I try to resist and hate, but last year I felt like the closest way to describe me is as a gay man in a woman's body. That's not entirely accurate, as I am attracted to women as well, but it's the closest to what I truly desire in a relationship. I've also come to realize that almost all men are not looking for that sort of relationship with a biological woman, which is why all my heterosexual relationships have been disastrous. Thus, I think I've decided that my ideal person is another woman with at least a certain amount of gender dysphoria of her own. That way we can be men when we want to be and women when we don't and be relatively on the same page. (Which is, incidentally, why I've always been drawn to people I meet through fandom. When I'm roleplaying a male character with another male character, that's essentially what I want to be able to do all the time in real life as well, thus why I repeatedly attempt to turn roleplaying relationships into RL ones. Not that I'm judging that, though. Some of my best and most honest-to-myself moments have been in those type of relationships. I just wish I could meet someone who isn't already married, lol!)

I've been doing a bit of thinking over the past couple months, if you couldn't tell.

Anyway, I'm about to go to the Doctor to have the whole shit ton of bug bites I've somehow acquired looked at, but I may post more later. I'm sorry I'm so wishy-washy on posting.
bazolomew: (DW Jack bondage!)
Still no news on the housing front. The two places I emailed from craigslist haven't gotten back to me. :(

Yesterday I played WoW for about 13 hours, increasing my iLvl from about 320 to 339 in one day. Not half bad, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately now I'm stuck in that point of having shitty gear in heroics, with the only way to get better gear by doing heroics. Thus, I lose groups faster than dead skin cells cuz I can't heal all that great with this shitty shitty gear. And I hate healing 5 mans anyway. I've been tempted to just queue as Shadow, but I did one like that last night and my DPS sucks as well. Basically, I'm already depressed about WoW because I suck and my friends are never on when I am.

I've been having fun through the TARDIS RPG, though I changed characters. I'm now playing Post-Utopia Jack Harkness, currently chained in the bottom of the Valiant. My Jack!Muse is being hyperactive, however, as I had to check myself during work last week when I realized I was making far too many inappropriate jokes. Ah well. My co-workers (and even bosses) are really cool about that type of stuff. We even have a running joke about "Sexual Harassment Friday" where inappropriate jokes are allowed on Fridays... and if they're made during the week you just have to say "Oh, oops, it's not Friday, is it?" and that pretty much makes it okay. I love my workplace sometimes.

I'm re-working my portfolio slowly, but next weekend is the So-Cal USITT job fair, so I need it done by then. I don't have any worries about that though, especially since I have tomorrow off as well thanks to MLK day.

I watched the 2005 version of The Producers yesterday, and mostly liked it. It was odd seeing Will Farrell in a movie that wasn't a Will Farrell movie, but he wasn't completely off-putting. The best part, though, was definitely a bleach blond John Barrowman singing Springtime For Hitler. That made me laugh so hard. I love that man.

I've also been reading everything on the Torchwood_Kinkandseek list for impact play. It's an AMAZING list of as many spanking Torchwood pieces as they could find. It hasn't been updated since November, 2010, but it's still amazing. The link for the list is here.

Other than Branwen Blaidd's stuff, which is always amazing, the one I just read yesterday was a piece called "Green" by [livejournal.com profile] wired_lizard. It is SO HOT.
bazolomew: (DW Ten coat of awesome)
Things change pretty quickly in my life apparently.

My landlady has now, out of the blue, declared the 30 days notice to be official, in writing too after I told her it wouldn't technically count unless she handed me a piece of paper. I'm glad she looked into the legality of asking me to leave before doing it. >.<

So now I'm definitely being forced to find a new place to live. This is going to be difficult because it must meet certain criteria:

Be at or below $500/month
Allow 2 cats
Be furnished.

Mom and I have discussed shipping some of my furnature from home out to me so that I don't have to worry about the third one too excessively. Really I'd just want my couch and a dresser, because I can buy a cheapo table for my computer it I must. The biggest inconvenience there would be the lack of TV, as I will be unable to play my PS3. Though maybe I could hook that up to my computer monitor? I dunno.

Either way this is a reality now.

In other news, the other thing I must get done this month is to re-do my portfolio in preparation of the Southern California USITT Job Fair on Jan. 22. So I've got 11 days to get that done too. I should have done that last week, but forgot about it completely. Ah well.

And in further news, I've been listening to the Doctor Who Soundtracks from Seasons 1-4 including the Tennant specials. I had known that I loved the song that plays over Tennant's regeneration but didn't know anything about it until I found that it's in Latin! It's called Vale Decem (Farewell, Ten) and I love it so much more now. It still makes me cry.

That said, since re-watching Season 5 a couple times in preparation of the Christmas Special, I have really come to love Eleven. I can't wait for the new season! Though I don't know how Moffit will top Season 5. It was just so well put together. The finale still gives me shivers because it is SO cool.

Oh, and I chopped off all my hair. This makes me ridiculously happy every time I look in the mirror. I think it looks fantastic.
bazolomew: (DW Ten Allons-y!)
So I'm back home again in CA. The flight wasn't completely terrible, but the drive back was ridiculous. It took me 5 hours to drive from LAX to Carpinteria, which should normally take 90 minutes. I was in traffic that wavered between stopped completely and 3 miles per hour the ENTIRE way between Oxnard and Carpinteria. I ended up renting a motel room there and spending the night because I was going to pieces in my car.

Since I've been home, I've been enjoying myself by roleplaying as Ten II (John Noble) in a InsaneJournal based Doctor Who RPG (at least until it went down yesterday...) and playing WoW. I also met up in person with a woman I met through a website yesterday and we spent the whole afternoon together. It was fantastic. I hope to see her again. (Unfortunately she's not looking for a LTR, as well as being quite a bit older than me, but I figure I'm moving away in August so us just spending innocent time together now is probably better for both of us.)

I still have a list of things to do before I go back to work Monday, which I'm also really NOT looking forward to, but I'm procrastinating. Meh. It's only Wednesday.

Icon Meme )

Christmas

Dec. 26th, 2010 04:16 pm
bazolomew: (DW Full TARDIS)
Hallo.

I'm at my mom's house right now for the holiday season and it's going pretty well. I hate flying and the flight here was no disappointment- there was Star Trek level turbulence the entire way. The only good part was breaking through the clouds in Cleveland and seeing everything again, covered in snow but still recognizable. I missed my home state.

Christmas Eve went nicely with seeing everyone again. I missed my friends so much and got a bit too drunk at our annual Christmas Eve Bar reunion, giving me a hangover yesterday, but it didn't last all day. Seeing the family again was lovely as well and I got to play a bunch of new board and card games with them. Then, after Mom got tired and I drove her home, I went back over to Ben's and finished my character for a Warhammer 40k Dark Heresy game that Sean has decided to run for the next week.

I missed gaming with them SOoooo much. It was fantastic. Supposedly they want to attempt to play over Vent when we all go back to our respective home states, which I hope works out. I'm worried that me being 3 hours behind everyone will be too inconvenient, but we'll see.

In other news, they've pretty much convinced me to start up playing World of Warcraft again. I think I may buy it and see if I really want to stick with it again or not. Mostly I would just be playing for them though, and once again, if the time difference didn't work out, I'd probably drop it again.

I'm here for the next week and have plans to continue gaming with my friends, as well as a couple meetings with Fraternity Brothers, besides watching Doctor Who with my Mom. She's in the middle of the second season and I hope to make it at least to the end of the third by the time I leave. She is a fan of Captain Jack as much as I am and I want to watch her reaction to the end of Last of the Time Lords in person. We just watched Doctor Who At The Proms together, and though she hasn't seen Season 5 yet, it was wonderful to watch it with her. I'm planning on watching the Christmas Episode either tonight or tomorrow with my friends, but just haven't gotten to it yet.

So yes, this is my happy feel-good positive things post! Yay for being home and being with my friends again. They're like a warm blanket I can wrap myself up in.
bazolomew: (DW Amy beautiful)
So I've not been away from LJ, really... I just haven't been posting.

Mostly because I'm tired and don't really want to update. And probably partly because I'm a little depressed in general, thus lacking motivation.

I'm still in my Doctor Who phase and the story I was writing is now several parts over 25k words total. I didn't exactly make NaNo, but for me that's damn good. Unfortunately I also haven't finished the first long story and probably won't for a while. See: Depression/Motivation issues above.

I'm also almost finished with my portfolio that is due on December 20th, but going for a trial run this weekend (!) at a Film and Television Expo in LA. A group of us are going down and attempting to network. We'll see how that goes.

Work is going ok. After two weeks of literally nothing to do, we're now swamped. >.< Poor poor planning due to bosses and designers.

Also, my landlady has decided she likes having me live here and is not requiring me to move. There is another girl interested in the other room, but no word on if she's planning on accepting it or not. We'll see.

Basically I'm depressed because I'm homesick and starting to worry about being jobless next August. Which is silly... there's nothing I can do about that right now anyway. Everyone is hiring for the summer season right now, which I already have a job for. But it's still a stress in the back of my mind. This is one major downside of my field... you never have constant work. I'm only starting to realize just how much of a stress bucket that is. ("Stress bucket" is now my new term. Spellcheck didn't like "Stressor" so I was forced to come up with something new.)

Yeah. Sorry I'm so down in all my posts. It's that time of the season, I guess.

I resolve to post good things next time.

Oh, one good thing right now. Thanks to This Karen Gillan picspam I am now doubly in love with that woman. I have never crushed on anyone younger than me before. It's a little weird for me. But she is GORGEOUS. Unf.
bazolomew: (DW Ten crushed)
Suffice to say, life has become stupidly stressful and almost all plans are off for the month.

My roommate who was supposed to be living with me until next May moved out last Saturday. I was happy cuz I like living alone. Little did I know this spelled my own doom. My landlady called yesterday and told me that if I can't find another roommate in 30 days, she will be forced to make me leave.

I'm already looking into both legal counsel and alternative methods of housing as we speak. I really don't want to talk or think about this anymore. I'm just bringing it up because it's what I'm going to be dealing with for the next month, thus anything like NaNo has ground to a halt for the time being and I'm going to be immersing myself in things to help me forget while I'm waiting for word from the places I've contacted.

I also really really have to start putting my portfolio together. It's due in December and I've been too busy to do it before now, even though I told myself I'd really work on it in October. Funny how Tech Week and no money fucks all your plans.

So #1 priority is finding a new place to live. #2 priority is putting together my portfolio. #3 is getting an oil change. #4 is everything else.

So on to immersing myself in things that take my mind of my troubles.

Single Father was amazing. I really loved the ending to the series. The whole thing, despite what I said earlier, was very well written and I quite enjoyed it. I need to re-watch the whole thing in order at once, but it essentially is a welcome distraction from the issues of my life while I focus on the issues of Dave's. Plus I get the shallow fangirl bonus of seeing lots of David Tennant's chest.

I really loved the scene with Paul and Dave near the end, where they talk about religion. It's so hard for me to relate to religious characters because I am so anti-religion, but they never really brought it up just how religious Paul was until now. He had just joined the choir earlier. But he'd been my favorite of the kids since the beginning, probably because in the very beginning his brother goes "Dad's a fag!" and Paul responds with "What's wrong with that?" Plus he reminds me of me at that age to a large extent. But the religion thing... I just loved how Dave handled it. His amazement that Paul would know his stuff so well. His willingness to put things into a religious perspective for his conflicted son, while being non-religious himself. That is hard to do. And finally, how he tells him that no matter what, he should stick to his guns. I don't know why it was such a resonating moment for me, but it was and I'm glad I watched the show.

I rewatched Hook tonight for the first time since I was a child. Wow did I miss a number of adult jokes. During the insult trading scene with Rufio, Peter at one point calls him a "Near-sighted Gynaecologist". I also got happiness out of one of Wendy's lines at the beginning which references a quote from the book that we painted on the giant drop for the show that opens Saturday. (It's about blowing out the stars.) I had completely forgotten the scene where Peter and Tinkerbell make out... I think I blocked that out when I was a kid. ("Why is Tink big? Why is she kissing Peter? That didn't really happen.") Gwyneth Paltrow also makes a cameo as young Wendy which made me giggle.

I also came to a realization about two things. First, I am presently attracted to Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell and am wondering if this is where my attraction to spunky women with short hair started? Second, when Peter lands after flying for the first time, the camera zooms up to his tights-clad calves. Tonight, I went, "Ohhh man look at his calves! It's calves porn!" This has now made me wonder if my obsession with men's calves through stockings started thanks to this movie? I mean, I was six years old when I saw it. Those are very formative years, aren't they?

Yeah, weird realizations I had. Anyway, bedtime. More talking later.

Sleepy

Oct. 30th, 2010 12:53 am
bazolomew: (DW Ten.5/Rose kiss)
Tech week blows. It's not even real tech week... this week is the week they're teching the flying choreography and such with all the hoists, harnessess and other such stuff. Next week is real tech week.

I'll probably describe this week in more detail later, but I'm on day 13 of 14 days working in a row, and most of the past 5 days were 12 hours or more. I also have to work tomorrow, then I might get Sunday, depending, then I get to work all next week as well.

Tech blows.

Also, my roommate told me yesterday that she's moving out tomorrow. I guess I'm getting my wish of living alone. LOL. I don't think she's even told our landlady. I'm not mentioning it until she comes to pick up the rent check on Monday.

And I drempt last night that the 10th Doctor was accidentally merged with my body somehow, so I started wearing his suit (!) and managed to save a bunch of people from certain death. After I saved them, the power of my goodwill was enough to release the Doctor from inside my conciousness. As thanks for being a good person while he was trapped inside my brain, he leaned over and kissed me. My evil cock-blocking subconscious finally allowed me a kiss, with David Tennant no less. It was so vivid, I even remember the softness of his lips upon my own.

Then he got in the Tardis and disappeared, leaving me on the sidewalk with an exciting adventure that no one would ever believe, al la Sally Sparrow... but oh well. I got a kiss. Sometimes I do actually like my dreams.

In other news, stolen from [livejournal.com profile] insaneboingo.

List 20 things that you are, starting with "I am a ...".
Do not leave out the "a" or "an" in your statements.

I am a very tired theatre technician. )
bazolomew: (DW David/John kiss)
Waiting for Single Father episode 3...

I finished my project for Peter Pan this week on Thursday, which left me open for something else. Scenery is actually done, but Props are waaay behind, so I was assigned three prop projects at once! I managed to complete only one of them but made quite a distance at the other two and was only stopped because they hadn't found fabric or items yet, which has nothing to do with me. I'm pretty proud of this, as they were my first prop assignments at a professional level and everyone was very pleased with them. The two people in charge of props have mentioned to me that they would love for me to work for them next summer which I'm so excited about because I'm so interested in it and would love to gain that experience. (No official offers though since there's no set budget or anything yet. They said I'd hear about it in December)

Next week is going to suck... well tomorrow and Tuesday will at any rate because we're loading in all the flying equipment for Peter Pan, Wendy, John, and Michael to the theatre. I HATE putting big stupidly heavy things into the air. It terrifies me and I want nothing to do with it. Unfortunate it's part of my job, and right now our hours are looking like they're going to be from 8am to 10pm both days. How I wish I was being paid by the hour. Thus why next week is going to suck.

Today was good though. I did a ton of cleaning and rode my bike in the rain for about 30 minutes. It was fantastic! I love rain. I was in a terrible mood this morning, then did that and cheered up considerably.

Also today I wrote a complete mini-fic to compliment my WIP self-indulgent fic that's up to 20 pages and about 9000 words. The mini-fic is 2000 words but I'm stupidly happy with it. The idea came to me today in a blink of the eye and I just sat and wrote the whole thing. It also came with another idea too, and I'm probably going to write that out sometime when I'm not getting ready to go to bed. Plus I spent a day last week thinking about a whole other story for my self-indulgent fic, which is apparently turning into my first ever series. I have a whole plot summary written for that story and plan on writing it out as soon as I'm done with the first one. I'm about half-way through the first one, plot-wise, right now and really enjoying it.

It's so nice to be writing again, even if it is self-indulgent dribble.

Finally, I'd enrolled in a blacksmithing class through the college and we had our first class last Friday. Though we only went through safety things and introductions, I know I'm really going to enjoy it. I'm so excited to start next week.

Meh

Oct. 18th, 2010 06:06 am
bazolomew: (DW Ten/Rose a wall apart)
My lovely cats woke me up at 4:30am this morning and for some reason I can't get back to sleep. So, instead I watched part 2 of Single Father and am now in a funny mood.

Single Father talk with some spoilers )

Edit: I forgot the other thing I wanted to mention. That self-indulgent fic I was talking about last time? It's up to around 7,500 words. 17 pages in MSWord. This is officially the longest thing I've ever written, and I'm not even halfway through yet. It's so strange to me as well, because I'm just letting it flow. I have everything worked out (more or less) in my head and am just writing it all down as if I'm dictating. I've never written like this before and I think it's because I've never LET myself. Either way, I'm very pleased with how it's going.

In other news, I looked into getting a work visa for the UK and learned that I'm probably not going to qualify. It's a point-based system that you have to answer questions for, and I only made 80 points. Granted I didn't fill in the question about the money I've earned in the past 15 months, but that's because technically, according to my government, I've really only made about $2000. The rest is in a non-taxable scholarship form... which I don't think counts. I haven't added it up, yet anyway. Also, they require a sum of about $5000 to be in my bank account for a period of no less than 3 months and not dropping below that amount. Which I don't have... though I could potentially dodge that hurdle with my mom's help. She said she'd be willing to help with that, anyway.

This is seriously depressing me though, because if I don't qualify, I don't go. While it's not a firm block right now, it's enough to make me realize that I need to start thinking about other things as well, instead of only planning for this. But I'd really sorta placed a lot of hope on this move, it feels like now is the right time, and being denied of completing a life-long dream only because of the concept of money is very sad. The thought of staying in theatre in America is so less appealing now... especially because it doesn't feel like it would be nearly as big of an adventure.

I even looked into the fact that I have English blood in my heritage to see if I could qualify for something different like that, but that only counts if it's a parent or grandparent. I guess John Alden of the Mayflower is a bit too far back, huh.
bazolomew: (Default)
I've basically been having trouble balancing life again.

I want to spend time on Livejournal, but also would like to spend time getting to know all of the new people I work with and make some real life friends. Thus, I lapse on this journal and pretty much everything else I do on the internet.

Until nights like tonight where I have nothing to do and turn back to my internet addiction. Though, I figure if I only come on occasionally it won't be as much of an addiction as it used to be.

Work is going interesting. Everyone from the summer has left, so now there's only 5 of us in the shop constantly, with students every so often. We have 2 amazing students right now and I'm really loving working with them. They make it so much fun and we have a great time. Hopefully the next students we get (they're on a show-by-show rotation) are as awesome.

We're pretty much done building Peter Pan and are currently loading it in to the space this week. So I've been doing a ton of running up and down stairs and ladders to catwalks and such, which has been a great workout.

Speaking of workouts, I've started up a running regimen with a couple other interns. "Couch to 5K" it's called and I'm really enjoying it. I'm determined to lose weight (though don't look at my eating habits... still working on that) but I have been riding my bike to work too, so I'm much more active than I previously was which I feel good about.

The other change in the past couple months would be my new-found obsession with Doctor Who. I finally got around to watching them (I've had the whole New!Who series on my computer for months previous) and absolutely. am. ADDICTED. Since then, I've watched all of Torchwood as well and am still trying to decide on the Sarah Jane Adventures.

But yes, expect much Doctor Who-ness from me for the future.

I've even bought and read Russell T. Davies' book "The Writer's Tale: The Final Chapter" which was an amazing read. It's inspired me to start writing again, too. We'll see if I post anything though. I may just keep it all to myself since I'm doing what I always do- implanting a character that is essentially myself into characters I love. Since it's just me writing for myself, I may as well write what I want. Plus I'm just happy to be writing again. This way I don't have to worry about making voices accurate or any of those other worries that create insecurities and cause me to just shut down. I'm looking at it more as a writing exercise than anything, and I'm just happy to be back at it.

The only other thing I can think about is the fact that I'm in the tentative stages about looking into possibly moving to the UK. I've wanted to live there since I was 9 and I figure, why not now? I don't have any close attachments to the US other than my mother and I'd come home to visit, plus I'm already in California which seems just as far away as anywhere else. I also am in the early stages of my career and figure that getting some experience working in another country would make me more marketable on the whole.

I dunno. It's a pipe-dream right now, but I'm honestly looking into it. I've looked into the things I have to do to bring my cats with me, as well as a couple webpages talking about immigration, and I'm about to apply for a new passport. The only big problem I'm seeing is the job issue... I need six months notice before I move and that's quite a chunk of time for theatres. My experience has been that no one starts looking for a new crew until about 3 or 4 months before they need it. That said, maybe they do it differently in the UK? We'll see.
bazolomew: (Leverage Chris Eyecrinkles Smile)
So my last post was a downer and I never posted the upper that happened after it. It wasn't an actual event or anything, just an attitude shift.

I realized that the reason it was feeling like high school was because I was acting like high school. Instead of approaching him with interest, I was being shy and stupid in the distance. I learned once again that I have to pursue what I want, instead of sitting around and being disappointed that it never happens.

I don't really know why I reverted to that mentality again after a year of being proactive, but I've learned my lesson at least. Instead of being disappointed and grumpy about this co-worker, I've started up a really good friendship with him instead, which I'm really happy about.

Work has been going better. I've been told I actually make more than the other interns... it's just weird with how they do checks. I don't know whether I completely believe them, but I'm holding onto the idea so I don't get angry again. I've also finally been given a scenery project instead of random things so I'm incredibly happy to be finally building something that matters. Plus we finally got music in the shop!!

And I've managed to get both my roommates deep into Leverage with me. I'm enjoying every moment of that, and they're watching Buffy and Angel for the first time, so I get to enjoy rewatching those too.

Things have basically just been going better... though my money has gone for the month, which explains all the ads on my journal. Oh well. Next month I get two checks in the space of one week which will help me quite a bit. :)

Grumble

Jul. 9th, 2010 12:36 am
bazolomew: (RR Fuck me)
This week has been messed up. Changeover weekend meant instead of relaxing with beer and fireworks last weekend, we struck and remounted 2 shows in 2 days. Then worked the rest of this week.

I'm lead carpenter for one of those shows... which is cool and a learning experience, but I also learned I'm being paid the least amount of the actual carpenters in the shop this summer which pisses me off. I have the second most responsibility but being paid the least. Awesome.

Got my CA driver's license a week ago and some insurance today. We'll see if the computers at the DMV are down again tomorrow or if I can FINALLY get this shit over with.

Apparently my WoW account has been hacked, even though I cancelled it like two months ago. How the FUCK is that even possible?! Uhhh... I guess if you wanna pay for it feel free to steal my shit. I don't even fucking care anymore. My guild can fuck themselves with their asshole of a leader and the stupid bullshit politics that follow it.

And I'm drunk, hormonal, and pissed off, mostly due to:

The guy I've been lusting after has found another girl, who I'm also attracted to. I'm seriously torn up about this. I shouldn't be. I should have known. But I feel like I'm in highschool again and just watching my crush break my heart without ever telling him what he's doing to me. Fuck me. I'm sick of this shit.

What the fuck is wrong with who I am? Am I destined to be alone for-fucking-ever? I want to have someone be there for me. I want to fuck. I want to be able to settle for friend-with-benefits.

Fuck my life.

Meh

Jun. 28th, 2010 06:08 am
bazolomew: (IM Tonyinhelmet)
Stupid cats woke me up at 3:30am for food and I can't get back to sleep.

Played Dragon Age for the first time in a while yesterday, which renewed my love for it a bit. I beat it with my Evil!Dwarf and got to finally read what terrible things I had caused the world in the epilogue. It only covered my choices and Morrigan, as I killed/ignored everyone else. I was surprised to see Dog at the coronation, as I never saved him in Ostagar and assumed he had died. My favorite epilogues were the Werewolves and Redcliffe (or Deadcliffe, I should say :P), followed with my end story. I loved the idea of my surly angry evil!dwarf becoming a Paragon. I killed half the surface world!

I also read a couple of amazing Dragon Age fanfics on fanfiction.net (!). One is an AU what-if if Ostagar had succeeded. It's only starting but promises to be interesting. The other was a detail fill for the end-game between F!Tabris and Alastair and completely heartbreaking. You can find them and one more Here.

I managed to attend most of Polycon in SLO and met a bunch of people. I played Apples to Apples and Gloom Friday night, followed with a California Version of Are You A Werewolf. In Ohio, we would do multiple games of 8-10 people. In CA, they do ONE game of 40-50 people. It was intense, fantastic, and hilarious. I managed to make it down to the final 7, talked my way out of a lynching, and then we correctly identified the Werewolf and the villagers won.

Saturday the power went out at work so we were sent home before we really began, which allowed me to make it up to SLO in time to play the Serenity:RPG. I was the last to sign up, so I got the final character- Serenity herself. I made the best of it though and had fun. After that I went outside and talked with the SLO chapter of the Society for Creative Anachronism. They convinced me to start training with their weapons and in no time I was learning my first combo with a really awesome older man. We couldn't stop laughing, he was great. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to continue with them in lieu of Dagorhir. SLO is only 30-40 minutes away, as opposed to a three hour drive to Los Angeles for 4 hours of Dag, then three hours back. I'm pretty excited to get back on the field, though, even if it's with SCA instead.

After that and the BBQ they provided, I went to a LARP that was really more of an improv televison episode. There was no system, just a GM and a backstory for each character. It went really well and was pretty much what I crave in LARPing anyway. Not much politics, just roleplaying. Our group ended up going kinda evil in the end, releasing something like 100 demons into the world, but it was a blast.

I miss gaming. And my friends. Tried to call my best friend but he was busy with his own gaming and a battle today, making me that much more sad that I'm not there. I'm excited to get into SCA and make new friends but it's still hurting. Does that ever go away?
bazolomew: (Leverage Christian Stripping)
Cats and my cold congestion woke me up at 8:30am on my only day off between last week and next week. Double disappointing because I had been having an AMAZING dream involving me literally clinging to Christian Kane's waist. I'm still not sure whether I was supposed to be in an episode of Leverage and he was Eliot protecting me, or whether I was just friends with Christian while we were walking somewhere together, but I remember commenting on how defined his hips were and he laughed.

However in the time since I woke up, I watched the final two episodes of Season 2 and am now CRAVING Season 3 like a worm-infected zombie person from Slither. (Watched it again last night for the first time in years.)

Hopefully I can wrangle a way to find Leverage online... we don't pay for television here.

Next up in my TV-Shows-I've-Meant-To-Watch-But-Haven't-Yet Queue is Doctor Who. I'm going to be starting from Christopher Eccleston because I've been told that's where the newer episodes come from and I really want to see David Tennant. I've seen a couple of the new Matt Smith episodes and enjoyed those, so I'm excited.

Day 21 → A recipe

Ok, so not so much a "recipe" because I cannot cook. Instead, I open things and use the microwave while trying to save money. This is what I've done a couple times and really like it. It's cheap, healthy, quick, and lasts at least 4 meals for one person.

Equipment Required:
A Can Opener.
A Big Bowl.
A Spoon.

Ingredients:
1 Can Pinto Beans
1 Can Kidney Beans
1 Can Black Beans
1 Can Sweet Corn (NOT Creamed... ew.)
1 Can Diced Tomatoes with Green Chilis.

Open all cans with Can Opener and drain all EXCEPT Tomato/Chilis. Dump all cans into Big Bowl. Stir with Spoon.

See how easy that was? That's my type of cooking. I'll put some on tortillas and have a burrito, or combine with rice or couscous. Heating optional... I like it cold.

This Meme Home

Day 03 - Your favorite new show (aired this t.v season)

This is a gimme. Leverage. I'm obsessed with it right now, if you couldn't tell. It's a well-written heist show with characters, a family atmosphere, and plenty of twists and turns. As an added bonus, a bunch of the episodes are directed by Jonathan Frakes and Star Trek Alumni keep popping up everywhere. So far we've had Brent Spiner, Wil Wheaton, Jeri Ryan, and even Armin Shimerman for a moment. I have a secret desire for John DeLancie to show up sometime... it'll probably never happen but I would love it.

The cast is stellar, making you really come to care for these people, and then the asthetic touches of Christian flashing his muscles everywhere, grunting like Wolverine, and his beautiful long brown hair... unf. I love this show. It's slightly sad that I've been thinking of making a drive up to Portland just to make it to one of Christian's shows in Dante's. Apparently it's only a 15 hour drive from here. Hmm.

This Meme Home
bazolomew: (HP Fucking Sirius)
So my apologies for my extended absence. The past month has been spent doing as much hanging out with my friends as humanly possible in anticipation of my move to Santa Maria, California.

ZOMG Life Happens )

Well, that's been life. I'm planning on rejoining the interwebs, especially places like [livejournal.com profile] charloft once I get too over-socialized, but for now it's going to be an on/off situation. Good night!
bazolomew: (DragonAge Steamy Bits)
Hello again... sorry I've been dead to LJ lately. I'm pretty much trying to spend all the time I possibly can with friends and family before I move to California again. Expect me to be much more active starting in late May. ;)

I'm still re-playing and fantasizing about Dragon Age pretty badly right now... I've read both novels and managed to find a decent partner to roleplay with on Elliquiy.com for once, though we're just going through the storyline really. I'm DYING to explore the relationship between Duncan and Alistair more, as they've sorta become my new favorite Daddy!kink pairing. Not in a romantic sense, however... more of my special Mentor/student spanking sense that I crave so badly. After reading the novels, Duncan has become my favorite character, probably even surpassing Alistair by a marginal amount. There's just so much we don't know about him... his personality in The Calling is so young and carefree... it really makes me wonder what exactly happened to turn him into the hardass no-nonsense Warden Commander that we know from the game. And he is one of (maybe) two people that knows Alistair's real background... which he nevers tells the boy and I just find that utterly tragic.

Yeah, I'm still obsessed, though I'm almost certain that will change once Iron Man 2 hits. Then all you're going to see from me is new RDJ and Iron Man posts... and I'm anticipating Tony/Natasha pairing as well. I love me some Tony/Pepper to death, but I am 100% positive they're going to kill that off in this movie. We'll see.

My other new obsession is Dagorhir. For those not in the know and too lazy to click the link, Dagorhir is a national organization (in the US) of fantasy foam weapon fighting. It's loosely based on Tolkien and pretty much gives me exactly what I've been looking for- a slight bit of RL roleplay combined with "weapon" training and exercise. I also get to build weapons and such, which is great fun for me as it plays right into my carpenter job, and already I've made 3 swords and a shield. I'm pretty proud of them too, as so far everyone I've shown them to has complimented them... even going so far as to say that I could probably sell them- they look that good.

That's about it for me right now, as like I said, I'm trying to spend all my time with my mom and my friends. I hope everyone out there in flist-land is doing well!
bazolomew: (DragonAge Alistair)
Still working in Cleveland on an Overhire basis, thus why I have not been online in some time. Working 50-60 hours a week makes me want to just play Dragon Age for a couple hours before I conk out.

I've also been catching up on my reading. I finished another Drizzt Do'Urden book, Siege of Darkness, and really enjoyed it, as I always do with those books. The only thing that pissed me off were my friends, who ruined the surprise in the Epilogue. The Epilogue mentions a way for the evil demon Errtu hold some sort of power over Drizzt, and my friends hinted at what it was, enough for me to guess with a good amount of confidence that I'm correct. Stupid friends.

Currently I'm reading the Dragon Age novels. I'm about halfway through the first one, The Stolen Throne. Going from R.A. Salvatore to David Gaider was a DRASTIC change, and with 2 typos in the Acknowledgements alone, I was pretty bummed in the beginning. However, the story managed to catch me and even though the level of writing reminds me of a moderate to good level of fanfic, I've actually started really enjoying it.

It's mostly the personalities of the characters. The story is pretty meh so far, but his characters are SO interesting that they keep me reading. King Meric reminds me of Alistair in so many ways (on purpose, I believe) which at first bothered me, but as we progress, it's gotten to the point where I'm just excited to see what he does next. And Loghain, who I HATE, is in the book, but it's interesting because he's managed to walk a fine line of giving backstory that makes me sympathetic, while still doing dick-moves, making me continue to feel justified in hating him.

So yeah, that's what I've been doing and what's keeping me off LJ- work and books. I also have discovered Dagorhir through my friends and though I've only been to one practice, I truly enjoyed the experience and am dying to continue. It mixes my love of fantasy with my desire to exercise and learn combat. The only problem I have with it is that I'm moving to California in May, and the only chapters in the state are 3 hours away from where I'll be... thus making it difficult to continue once I'm out there. I'm kinda bummed about that.

I hope you all are doing well!
bazolomew: (BDS facepalm)
I've "finished" my job in Cleveland as of last Thursday and was slightly sad to not be going back. I really enjoyed the work and the environment they've got going for them, plus the thought of spending another month in the purgatory of unemployment is not looking as good as I used to think. On the plus side, I was "re-hired" to work Load-In for the two sets I just finished helping build, which means I'm actually still working with the same guys for (probably) the next couple days. I depends how quickly we get things done.

I also let the Production Manager know that I am going to be doing NOTHING during the month of April, so if he has need of an intern, or anything else really, I'd love to continue working with them. He said he'd think about it, but in a really cool manner. The guy is super approachable and looks you right in the eye, as if he's hanging on your every word and everything you tell him is of the utmost importance. This whole company is just great.

In other news, I got a New Review on one of my old LOTR spanking stories I still have archived at fanfiction.net and it made me laugh.

"I believe that sometimes a spanking is necessary when disciplining a child,
but without over doing it and one whipping is enough. Two is too much and the
child shouldn't be spanked by people other than their parents."

Yep, that's the whole review. Thank you mystery person, I'm sure your opinion of spanking is of the utmost importance to me and my life. While we're at it, how did you like my story? Was the action written well? Do you think my characterizations of the canon characters was on or off? Did you think my descriptions were adequate? Did you spot an error that needs fixed? Oh, I guess you just wanted to latch onto a singular facet of the story that has little to do with the actual plot. Well, more power to you, I suppose. At least you have a firm idea about your beliefs.

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