bazolomew

So I havn't updated since I got back mostly becuase it's been crazy busy here, and I've been lazy.

I got home fine. I finished the Star Wars book. Can't remember the real title so I'll make one up. The Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader. Or whatever. Something like that.

Had Christmas Eve massaging soulless_lover 's shoulder cuz she hurt it moving, and then drank and watched Vampire Hunter D. Good movie that.

Left early in the morning to drive home to Mom's house, got there before my brother even woke up so I got to spend an hour trying to stay awake before pressies. Opened a BUNCH of stuff I needed for the apartment, I heart my mommy. Then went over to my brother's girlfriend's family's house, and had a blast. They're such nice people. I heart them. They've said I'm part of the family, which makes me feel really nice.

In fact, the next day I went back over to their house, without my brother or my mom to help them eat left-overs, and had another really good time.

Then I moved on the 27th and the 28th. That was crazy. I learned that moving even 1 room by myself is impossible. I'm not strong so I had to move EVERY box and item BY ITSELF, which meant TONS of trips up and down stairs and in and out of doors. It took me forever. I finally gave up and moved about half of it then waited until the next day when my mom helped me with the rest and it went about 2939582456 times faster.

On the 29th I set up my apartment and spent about $150 dollars on other needed things, and then yesterday, my mom and I went kitty adopting. We went to the APL in our county, and I found the most adorable little female kitten... she was so cute and had just been spayed so I would have had to take special care of her.... but then was DENIED HER because I wasn't twenty-fucking-one yet. FUCKING AGE DISCRIMINATION STIKES AGAIN. You would THINK that a place that is OVERRUN with cats would LOVE to get rid of another one to a good loving home... BUT NO. Apparently I'm not mature enough to have a kitten. At 20 years of age, I can die for my fucking country, but I can't adopt a kitten.

I left the APL almost in tears, then almost got into an accident because my saddness changed into anger.

After I calmed down, my mom suggested calling the Humane Society in the county next to us and seeing what their age limit was. We called. They adopt out to 18 year olds, but they had no kittens. However, they gave us the name of 6 other agencies. I called 1, and they not only adopt out to 18 year olds, but they also had kittens! We drove over there, and I fell in love with not one, but TWO kittens.

They're brothers, both about 10 weeks old, both neutered, and both gone through all shots and tests except for 1, which the place will do for free in the middle of January. The one is grey with black tiger stripes, and I named him Bailey, and the other is black and white, and I named him Drake. I love them soooo much.

Last night they were getting to know me, and today they weren't as afraid of me anymore. However, I almost had a heart attack because Drake found a crevace under my heater that I didn't even know existed... and he got stuck! He couldn't go forward to get out, so my mom helped me by rigging up a little battering ram out of a washcloth and a rod, and he managed to nudge him from the front. Luckily he was able to reverse his way out of the crevace, and we got him out. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown once he was in my arms, and I think I may have scared him a bit because he seemed a little more shy of me than usual.

However, it's gotten better in recent hours and he's now about back to normal. Except that now they get to stay locked in my kitchen until my mom and I rig up a way to keep the crevace closed. That'll be tomorrow hopefully.

It's kinda odd. Now that I'm living by myself, I'm seeing more of my mother than when we lived together. I wonder if that's typical, or strange. Oh well. I love my mother. And my kitties. And my apartment... though I'm still very nervous that I might start to hate it after a while.

I'm consumed with worry about that and the kittens. I'm so scared that I'm going to turn out to be a horrible owner. That I'll start to neglect them like I neglect myself... or my friends. I've never been good with committment... and now I committed myself to about 20 years of full time responsibility. I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt them.

That's what most of my breakdown was about really. The fact that I had let my baby kitty get into harm while I was washing dishes. The fact that I was only thinking about 1 need of mine, when now I HAVE to worry about lots of things all at once. I don't know if I'll be able to handle the kittens, school, having a Little in the Fraternity, and possibly a job all at once. The problem is that the only thing I can afford to not do is the Little... and I really don't want to give that up. I mean, I'm spending SO much money... so I need a job, and I HAVE to continue school or else I can't do the Fraternity and I'd have no real reason for existance... and I HAVE to take care of the kittens because no one else can. My mom's allergic to them and so is everyone else... plus I can't take them back to the shelter.

I'm just nervous, stressed, and scared at the moment. And the biggest problem is that it's still fricking "vacation". Maybe once school starts again, I'll have a better idea of how much I've really bit off, and try to decide how much I can chew. I just hate all this anticipation when I know I should be sitting back and relaxing. I suppose that I'll only be able to relax once I'm out of school... which unfortunately isn't going to be anytime soon.

And this upcoming semester was supposed to be my "blow off" semester. Ha.