bazolomew: (Default)
So to say that this year's birthday sucked major ass would be both a lie and an understatement. And I was gonna do separate categories but I kinda just started typing as it happened so excuse the randomness of this whole post.

The Understatement )

The Birthday )

It was also really nice to see everyone’s wishes online (on LJ and on Facebook) as well, so thank you all for that!

(Also I should probably get around to talking about National Convention in Orlando sometime too, but this is my official birthday and nothing else post)
bazolomew: (crazy)
Havn’t posted in a while, mostly because I’ve been so busy trying to balance my life between band, the fraternity, my family, and my friends. I’ve also been frantically trying to find a place to live, mostly because my lease expires on my birthday and quite a few of the apartments in the area have waiting lists now. With my kitties, I can’t find many places to live that don’t cost $600+ a month for 1 bedroom, and I’m searching high and low to find a place.

News )

I’m just crazy I guess.

Oh well. So that’s my little catch-up to life. And my internet is wigging out so this might not get posted for a while. But that’s ok. I can wait.
bazolomew: (ryanlight)
I'm totally slacking on the recap, I know. I'm still planning on doing it and have my memory paper next to my computer, waiting, but in the mean time life has been happening.

Frat Stuff )

Pet's house )

Life rant )

Ok, venting session over for now.
bazolomew: (chrisbicep)
I'm currently at [livejournal.com profile] crazyjoyfulgirl's house and woke up at 10:30am for some reason cuz I was hot and the fan kinda overheated I guess, and I couldn't go back to sleep. Sadness. But I'm sure I'll tire out soon. And then wake up again and we can continue watching baby!paddy and orgasming over all his hott melty goodness. For now, I'll post what's running around in my head.

So guess what? It's that time of year again when I get all stressed out, depressed, and doubtful and end up dropping all my classes and considering dropping out of college! Woohoo!

School stuff )

Roadtrip ideas )

Or maybe I'll just run for Chapter Field Representative for my Fraternity. But I think you need a degree... dammit.
bazolomew: (SexPad)
Yay for random musings.

Personal Religious Musings, TMI alert )

I just thought I’d post my thoughts, cuz writing things down that go around in my brain always lets me work through it.
bazolomew: (braintwinpet)
This post is brought to you by the fact that it's [livejournal.com profile] crazyjoyfulgirl's Birthday!

HAPPEH BIRTHDAY BRAINTWIN!!!!!!!! I WUVA YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Jenneh loves Jpad and Dean loves his Sammich. And yanno, then there was buttsex. All cuz it's your birthday. *\o/*






In other news my job at DuBois is awesome, and school starts tomorrow. I'm excited tho, because I'm really thinking I'm gonna enjoy my classes. Although check my journal in a few months from now and that may be a little different. ;)
bazolomew: (Default)
So it’s been almost two months, but I’ve been crazy busy.

School )

Band )

Fraternity )

Christmas )

Pet’s house! )

I’m back now, obviously, and have plans for this upcoming week along with other news, but it’s late, I’m not feeling well, and I have to be at work in 7 hours so I’m going to sign off now. Goodnight!
bazolomew: (j24life)
Update to Life.

Life )

Weekend last (Wednesday-Friday) )

Saturday and Sunday )

So that was my crazy-ass weekend. In great detail. If you’ve read to the end of this by clicking on the cut, you get a cookie… cuz I know I’m long winded and do far too much TMI, but most of these posts are for my own memory’s benefit. Yeah. Goodnight!
bazolomew: (bicep)
I would just like to take this moment to say that after looking at pictures of Christian Kane that I had 1) already seen and saved and 2) are pretty old, I now want to fuck him again. Is that sad?

And I can't stop listening to him.

That and the RENT soundtrack. But the strange thing is... with the RENT soundtrack I keep imagining Jensen singing for Mark. I mean... I picture him. In the stripey sweater and the scarf and the camera. And it makes me want to fuck him even more.

By my declaration: Jensen needs to do a musical.

Oh and Alumni Band is tomorrow... and it's like 30 degrees outside. Oh well. It'll be fun. Hopefully we'll win. I spent 12 hours getting ready 45 flip folders for them today, but I managed to get it done. I love not having work. But I wish I got paid more than $150 for being band librarian cuz I seriously put more work into it than I did my ex-job.

Oh and February 23-25 2007 will mostly likely be the date of the Sam (Pet) and Dean (me) Roadtrip from Clearfield to Chicago. With a hopeful detour to Michigan to pick up [livejournal.com profile] killerweasel to go and see Christian and Jared at a horror!con. Not that I like horror, but I like cons... and I want to touch CK and JP like my life depends on it. Now if only they would talk Jensen into going.... my life would be complete.
bazolomew: (roadtrip)
Well I'm back from the worst 48 hours of my life, though I had it better than others. Make way for a HUGE ASS post.

Friday day )

Friday to Saturday )

Saturday day )

Saturday to Sunday )

Sunday )

The moral of the story is:

Don’t wait to schedual busses with the University because they’ll deny you and you’ll have to try to get your own. And then you’ll get your own and all hell will break loose.

Be that as it may, Mr Curfman (our director) really deserves our thanks. While he might have waited too long to get our busses, he did EVERYTHING he possibly could, ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty this weekend. He got maybe 1 hour of sleep the whole weekend and never ONCE took anything out on us. He only snapped once to my knowledge, and it was deserved… plus it was at the beginning of the trip. I don’t know how he managed to get through the trip, but he did good. Thank you Mr. C.

I also have a rant to get through based on something someone said last night, but I think that will wait. Hope your all weekend was better than mine.

Emoness

Oct. 2nd, 2006 01:15 am
bazolomew: (brothers)
The last time I posted was finishing up the summer. I havn't posted in a while. I don't really feel like talking about much... but I will anyway. I'm pretty emo at the moment.

Life (Project Runway and slight SPN Spoilers) )

Labor Day in PA )

Band )

That’s pretty much it. I think I’ve finally caught up. Yay. Maybe I’ll be less emo in the future. Oh well.

Next Thursday will hopefully be better… but I’m really scared that they’re going to do my worst fear with Dean. But I’m not going to mention it, because I don’t wanna become more emo. Goodnight.
bazolomew: (Jpadtongue)
So I'm back for the moment. I just redid a bunch of icons and decided i might as well continue my chronicalling of my life from the beginning of august to now. I've probably forgotten most of it by now anyway, so it should be rather short.

Rest of B-Day )

Band 2006 )

I think that's it for tonight. I still wanna talk about:
Roommate,
Classes,
Labor Day in PA,
Project Runway,
work,
and Rent, though.
And maybe some Frat stuff too. But another night. Gnite.
bazolomew: (ritard)
So while I recover from funness at [livejournal.com profile] crazyjoyfulgirl's house this weekend, and put off writing about the rest of my birthday again, I have a meme I stole from [livejournal.com profile] angelstart.

It's called the 2 word meme. )

And, as a reminder to myself I still have to write about:

-Birthday in Grafton
-Birthday in PA
-Band preparation
-Roommate
-Band Camp
-First week of Class/Class itself
-Fraternity @ QuakerSteak
-Football Game #1
-Weekend in PA again
-Reaction to Project Runway
-SPN related stuffs
-Falling in love with Rent

Yeah I have a lot. But I want to remember it later, so I need to get my ass in gear soon.
bazolomew: (roadtrip)
So to continue from where I last left off....

Pirates 2 Spoilers )

So now that I have that out of my system, let's talk about work.

I'M QUITTING! WOOT!

Now that that's out of my system, let's talk about last week.

Busy Busy )

On to PA )

So this upcoming week, I have to go to work until Saturday, pack my entire apartment, move into the new one, change over all utilities, pay my tuition, pay my ticket, get my car alignment looked at, get my front right tire looked at, get my oil changed, wash my car, get my hair-cut, finish deciding about my tattoo, get my tattoo, go to the Summer Meeting for my Frat, decide about de-clawing my cats, possibly get my cats de-clawed, figure out how to move the dryer from my mom's old house, get my old apartment straightened out, decide which bedroom I want, renew my car insurance, get a new driver's liscence, turn 21, drink, party, puke, and copy music for the Marching Band.

Yeah, I'm fucking busy. No posting until into August. Byebye!
bazolomew: (yummy)
So I'm a lazy mofo and havn't gotten off my ass to post lately.

Let's see...

Pet's Visit )

So that was three weeks ago. Two weeks ago...

Emi's visit )

Then last week was my gaming convention.

Origins 2006 )

And finally, I saw PotC2 last night. But I'm totally gonna talk about that in another post because I'm trying to post online, post this, talk to Pet, and watch Smallville all at the same time and I've been working on this post for SIX HOURS. I'm done. More later. Woo!
bazolomew: (right)
Wow have I been busy.

The weekend after I last posted was memorial day weekend, and my brother came up for the weekend along with his girlfriend. We went out for dinner with her family on Saturday, and they invited us to go see a movie with a few of them. My mom and brother didn't want to go, but I really did because I love her family so much, so we went and saw X-3.

I'd only ever seen the last half of X2, and didn't remember much. I came in at the part at the house where Pyro starts incinerating things. I remembered Magneto and Patrick Stewart's character. (Who I now know is called Charles Xavier.) I remembered Pyro because I thought he was cool and liked how he was a good guy that then turned bad, and I remembered a little about Wolverine, mostly that I kinda liked him and he had big claws. I also remembered it took place at a dam. Other than that, I was either lost, or didn't remember at all. (ex. The Ending)


But yeah. So I loved it, as you can probably tell by the way I'm talking about it.

Anyway, after the movie I dropped Colleen and Michelle, (my brother's girlfriend and her sister) off at their parent's house, and drove home. The next day I went to my mom's house because she was hosting a "Let's get together for Memorial Day party" for our family and theirs. When I got there I helped make deviled eggs, and then my brother and I went downstairs and played World of Warcraft for a while before our guests arrived.

I can't begin to tell you how much fun this was. I hadn't played computer with my brother since we both were still living in our old house, which would have been before he left for college, so about 5 years ago. And when we used to, it was always me being upset because he never thought I could do anything right, and I'd always be pissy and hate it.

Well maybe we've both changed, but he really was being nice and complimenting me and everything. We completely destroyed the level we were in (can't remember which part, but it was Scarlet Monastery) and this was with me playing a lvl 40's druid that I'd never even touched before. One time I made a bad pull that turned into us annaliating the entire fricking area around a huge ass fountain, which was about 14 bad guys all attacking in succession, usually 3 at a time. And we LIVED! It was amazing and SO much fun. I remembered why I love my brother for reasons other than I have to. ;)

Anyway, once everyone got there we had a really good time just hanging out and talking. I talked with a girl (who's now the girlfriend of Colleen's brother) who I went to elementary school with, and hadn't had any contact with her since, and I learned that she's a really cool person. We had fun reminicing for a while.

Unfortunately, after everyone went home my brother and I got in an arguement that resulted in me breaking down and having a crying tantrum and ruining the evening, and we parted on bad terms, but I have since apologized and made up so it's all good now. We were both being kinda stupid... and I'm still getting over that we've changed since we used to live together. Plus I've kinda gotten spoiled with him not being around, because I'm used to having my mom's undivided attention now, and I found myself getting upset because she was talking with him instead. I'm glad I realized it so I could calm myself down and not ruin the time they had together, but it was kinda a shock.

Also while he was here he fixed my new computer for me, and it works!! Yay!!! It's so nice and new and I love it so much. I'm trying to keep myself for downloading a bunch of crap, and I've started using FireFox instead of IE, because he says that it's safer than IE, so I'm pretty happy.

So that was 2 weekends ago. On Memorial Day I went and visited [personal profile] soulless_lover for a bit, and told her about my new love for X-Men and learned she used to love it too. So we went and saw X3 together, and it was interesting seeing her reactions, especially because then I made her explain everything to me after.

I spent that week falling deeper into the clutches of X-Men, though I'm still completely obsessed with Supernatural, because I have finally managed to write a story!! Well... the first chapter of a SPN story anyway. And it's pretty good! And I have the rest of the story semi-mapped out, with the second chapter completely mapped out. I just need to write it now. I'm really happy about it, and am excited to write more, but I've just been so tired and busy.

Last Thursday, however, was fun. The WB is rerunning Supernatural during the summer, so I called [profile] carolfish and she called up [profile] angelstart[profile] and we did a 3 way convo for the episode, then continued on into the night while we watched more. We started a tally of the number of times Dean licks his lips in an episode, and so far the average is about 7 times an eppy. It also depends on how happy the episode is. In Something Wicked, he only licked his lips 3 times, but in Hell House it was a whopping 11 times!

That was a blast. Then, at midnight, I drove out to Grafton to pick up [personal profile] soulless_lover because Friday morning, she had her PASS program at Kent State. We came back to my house after I picked her up from work and started watching a few of her old X-Men VHS tapes that she had made when she was younger and the cartoon was on the air. I was falling asleep, though, so I went and took a 3 hour nap before we had to get up and go to the Student Center.

I got to play "family member" for the day, and managed to email my band director during the slew of downtime I had while she took her placement tests. She then went to her advisor and I checked out X-men comics that the Bookstore sells and when she was done, she had good news. She managed to score so high on the English placement test that she doesn't have to take ANY english classes. I HATE HER. I spent 5 semesters trying to complete my english requirements, and she manages to do it in one test that she took after being awake for 24 hours. *sigh*

Anyway, after we were done, and finished yelling at fucking student financial aid bitches, we went home and slept. We woke up at about 11pm and it was Logan who greeted me. He taught me how to do some yoga and other exercizes, then we went grocery shopping until 2am, when we went on the Wal-Mart Run From Hell. Basically, I couldn't remember which area Wal-Mart was open 24 hours, so we went to 3 before I remembered which one it was and then got lost on the way there. We finally managed to make it though and now I know where it is. Yay for me! After leaving for the grocery store at midnight, we didn't make it back until 4:30am, and I had to work at noon. But we hadn't eaten, either, so Logan made steak and potatoes while I picked a movie, and then we settled down to watch Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

Have I mentioned that I like steak and potatoes? I think I'm Irish at heart. The problem was, I took a HUGE piece of steak and gulped it down, and it managed to get lodged in my esphogus. I wasn't choking, and I could breathe, but it seriously felt like something was stuck. You ever take a big mouthful of bread or bun or something and try to swallow it and it goes really slow, and then you take a drink of water and it pushes it down and you feel relief? That's what this was like, except that when I tried to take a drink of water, I couldn't swallow it and I had to go throw it all up into the toilet. Unfortunately the blockage wouldn't come out and it was REALLY painful. I sat wondering what to do and trying to puke it up, but it wasn't coming, so I called my mom at 6 in the morning to ask her advice. Talking to her calmed me down and she assured me I didn't need to go to the hospital since I wasn't choking. I finally managed to get it down and into my stomach by gulping down water really fast and hard. And there was Logan being all nice and getting me things and helping me while I'm being little miss Drama of the year.

But it turned out ok, and after going back out and cutting small pieces while chewing each one 50 times, I finished my dinner and got so tired that I went to sleep.

I woke up and went to work, then came back at 4pm to find him still asleep. I played WoW for a while and when he woke up, he got emily and she and I went out to eat with my mother. Then we went to Target to replace Logan's hat that my kittens had destroyed, and went to Best Buy after that to pick up X1 and X2. When we got home we totally camped out on my futon and watched both movies.... and I'm hooked. The sad thing is that I really don't like the comics all that much. There's just something about comic books that I've never liked... and I think it's because  you don't get a good sense of what's going on. You see someone trying to hit someone else, but it's hard to tell if they hit or not, and there's little sound effects that don't make sense in my head everywhere... I mean when you punch someone you don't normally think "Oo I punched him, it sounded like FWOOP!" Plus with the action drawings, it's hard for me to figure out what's going on.

But seeing the movies where I can get a good sense of character, and the action is easy to follow, plus I can get a real life face for the characters... I'm in. I love the movies... and Hugh Jackman just rocks my world as Wolverine. Which is funny cuz I don't find him nearly as cool and attractive when he doesn't have the hair and the burns. He just looks like your normal, 6'2" guy, who can sing and dance. He's funny, and seems like a REALLY nice guy, plus he's EXTREMELY talented (have you ever heard him sing?!) but he just doesn't do it for me like he does when he's playing Wolvie.

So yeah. After watching the movies, I was understanding X3 a WHOLE LOT BETTER, and wanted to see it again, but by that time is was about 4am again. So I went to sleep and slept like a rock for 12 hours. When I got up emily said Logan apparently had gone for a walk in the wee hours of the morning while I was sleeping, and got made fun of by a bunch of drunk college kids. It didn't surprise me, as my neighbors have less than nice habits, but also kinda made me laugh. Then em called her dad to try and get him to put money in her bank account for her, but he was being uncooperative ("No I can't do that, I'll give it to you in person, so fi you want it drive over to Berea") so we drove to Berea and took care of that, along with em buying herself some booze that I most definitely didn't touch because I'm under 21, and we went to see X3 again. This time Logan was out, and that was fun, watching a movie with himself in it. I managed to find the guy who people on the internet are calling Gambit , and if it WAS him, I'm SO disappointed, cuz he looked like a stupid ugly tall guy in an overcoat and a wig (I've been reading em's comics so I'm learning who other people are, and I definitely like Gambit best, second to Wolvie, so far)

Then we went back to em's apartment and Logan made some fish that was fantastically good, and we watched Troy before conking out. (I was actually impressed with Troy, as they didn't change as much of it was I assumed they would... with the exception of "Oh it's Orlando Bloom so we have to give him fight scenes, even though Paris never lifted a finger in the real story") By the time we woke up on Monday em had to go to work, so I drove home and messed around online.

The rest of this week I've been working non-stop, and am waiting for an email from my band director to see if he has any music picked out that I can come in and copy for him for Marching Band yet. Other than that, Communiversity Band starts next week which I'm excited about, and I'm feeling really good about school next year again, cuz I managed to get my schedual squared away. I'm at the pre-school excitement phase that I get every year after I schedual for classes, so yay!

And I did see a counselour, but she referred me to a different one (who happens to be the same one I used to have years ago) and they've yet to call me back about when she's free for a new appointment. I'm planning on calling them too.

Plus I'm really starting to get deeply involved with the Student Group of the Ohio Gamer's Organization at Kent State, which is gonna be crazy if JR keeps micromanaging things like he is. He really needs to understand that if the student group is going to exist, it's going to be WITHOUT his involvement because he's not a student, and his face is HATED throughout the administration on campus. We're starting in a hole that I have to dig us out of BECAUSE of him, and now he's trying to tell me that I have to do things his way. Well I'm sorry, but I'm involved in a student group on Kent State already, I know how it works and for the most part what I need to do, and we're going to have a struggle succeeding with his ideals and problems that he's given us, let alone trying to be competition to a gaming student group already on campus.

/rant off

That's about it for now... though I'm planning on getting together with Pet again sometime in the next few weeks, but it depends on what she says and other things too. Whee!

Woohoo

May. 23rd, 2006 06:57 am
bazolomew: (attitude)
So. Computers are BITCHES. My new one came in the mail, yay for that. But I set it all up made sure it fit on my table so I can run them both at the same time so i can transfer data (because my CD burner on my old computer apparently doesn't work anymore) and turned the new sucker on.... and it shows the "Loading Windows XP" screen, then the screen goes black and nothing I try makes it show anything. I get to wait until this weekend when my brother visits for help.

So now I'm having problems with my new one while my old one slowly dies more everyday. Today my Paint Shop program refused to work properly... it only opened about 1/3 of the buttons and applications within the program and wouldn't let me save or open anything other than jpgs. Plus "save" was the only selection I could make. My computer wouldn't let me see any picspams on LJ today, and AIM was having problems not committing fatal errors every 15 minutes. Then when I was trying to read fics, my mouse scroll decided to set itself to "page back" instead of "scroll down" so everytime I tried to scroll, I ended up 2 or 3 webpages previous. And if I tried to click on something, it would highlight everything up to where I clicked, instead of me just left-clicking. And to make my life SO MUCH EASIER, I accidentally dumped my bottle of water all over my keyboard, which was interesting because the only thing that would work after that point was the keyboard shortcut for "calculator" (which i didn't even know existed) that would randomly pop itself up about 7 or 8 times while I was trying to sop up water from the floor and wasn't even looking at it, let alone touching anything. 

Isn't technology wonderful?

In other news I went to [profile] pet_23's house last weekend and we watched a whole bunch of Dark Angel (OMG is Jensen HOTT in that), a few clips from Jensen in Smallville, New York Minute (Jared shirtless then in see-thru white shirt=lust), some interesting fanvids (RPS fanvids are much more fun and much less squicky than they sound), and a behind the scenes of House of Wax thing. (Jared's so Cuuuuute). We also read some fic together and nearly pissed ourselves laughing about random shit because when I havn't slept in 23 hours and drove for 4 I get crazy slap-happy at 6am. We also spent 2 hours looking at pictures of Jared and Jensen, and I completely stole the mouse and played Zoom In On Jensen's Pointy Nipples for a good 3/4 of it. Damn does that man have pointy nipples that you can see through nearly any shirt he wears. I also had fun zooming in on pictures of Jensen's open mouth. Like I said: Slap-happy.

She burned me 2 new CDs of SPN related music, and then I came back home and watched a West Wing with my mom before coming back home home and reading porn until 5am, then sleeping until 8am when I had to get up for work. 

I've pre-ordered SPN Season 1 from amazon.com, yay. And I'm seriously considering going to Nashville for the first ever Winchestercon in October. I'm not sure yet, because it's alot of money and an 8 hour drive from my house which I don't think I could do by myself. I checked flights and it would be over $100 for a roundtrip ticket (which isn't too much honestly, but more than I'm willing to pay on top of hotel and convention fees) I just don't know if it would even out with gas prices being what they are. Right now it's about $40 a tank, and if it takes 3/4 a tank to drive to Clearfield and back (which is about 150 miles) it would take about 3-4 tanks for the 500+ mile trip to Nashville. I'm going to have to do a lot more thinking. I have until July 1 to decide, though maybe less because apparently the hotel is getting booked fast.

In other news I'm waiting to talk to my psychologist before seriously considering dropping out of college. It's just kinda something I'm running through my brain at the moment. I realized that I'm blowing money that's supposed to last me through life on band and indecisiveness right now. Since I have no idea what I'm doing or what I want to do, it makes more sense economically to drop out, save money, and try and decide what I want instead of blowing it all on experimentation.

I'm also gearing up to try my hand at writing again, because I havn't been this obsessed with something in a long time and I'm finally thinking of possible ideas. 

Oh, and I'm planning on getting my hair cut again, and I'm thinking about trying a Sam style cut, because it might look ok on me. Plus if I don't like it I can just go from there into something Angel/Dean-like. Now I just have to get over the embarassment of carrying 2 pictures of Jared Padalecki into a shop and being like "Hi, I'm a crazy!obsessed fangirl and I wanna get a boy's haircut that looks like him even though you can see I'm a girl and I know you're going to laugh over this for hours in the backroom". Oh well.

My mother's bought a house. So now I get to clean out all the shit from her old one. Whee. I think I've said this before but I can't remember right now, plus it wasn't set in stone like it is now.

"Lollipops and Candycanes."

"No NO! Get off of Jesus!"

Some happy quotes to get me out of my depression. Oh and [personal profile] carmendove totally made my day with behind the scenes icons of the boys... and 3 of them hit my naughty!kink so hard... one of which I'm using for this post. The other two are great as well... especially the "Jensen Ross Ackles Go to your trailer!" one. Hit my naughty!kink AND my full-name!kink. *sighs in happiness* (they're all in my userpics if you wanna see the other 2)

Bye for now :)

Hokay

May. 5th, 2006 03:25 am
bazolomew: (child)
So things have been crazy crazy 'round these parts.

First off, War Games was a blast. What could be more fun than hunting your Brothers down with supersoakers filled with Rit dye all over campus? I'll tell you what... joining forces with a supposed enemy team to take out the red team because Austin, Weeden, D, CanDance, and Andy all got put on the same team. My team, the blue team, AKA Team America, ended up winning... but it was really close. Plus I got to pretend I was Dean for a day... though that was all in my head because I'm a crazy obsessed psycho. I did get to meet and have fun with Brothers and Sisters from Akron, Ashland, and one other place (I'm having a brain fart) which was fun, and going to Mindy's house afterwards was a blast.

The only problem: Elyse's mother died unexpectedly.

So the fun that I had made me feel guilty for having it in the first place. My heart goes out to Elyse.

So then, I stay up half the night Sunday, to be awakened at 11am Monday morning by 4 phone calls. I ignore the first 3, trying desperately to get back to sleep, and then answer the 4th and talk to [personal profile] soulless_lover for a couple hours. We hang up and I'm messing around on the internet by then, when I get another phonecall, which I answer this time. It's my mother's boss. My mom's in the ER with chest pains. I'm in shock for about 30 minutes before I get in my car and drive up to her workplace to get her purse and stuff, then lose it in the car when I drive to the hospital. I pull myself back together enough that I can ask the clerk where she is, run down to the ER, ask again, and get taken to see her. 

Seeing your mother in a cart bed on oxygen when she was perfect the day before is a humbling experience.

I fucking lost it. I was sobbing. She managed to tell me that she was ok, she wasn't in pain, and all the tests were coming back showing that she was in good health. But I'd just played out what would happen if my mom were to die in my head, and couldn't stop the repeats of how I'd have lost both my parents before my 21st birthday and everything that I would need to do to take care of things.... selling the house, finding a place for the dog, deciding what to do with the car, deciding what to do with all her stuff... and all without her or anyone else (except my brother who has his own life) to help me. I don't know how she did it when Dad died... but then again, both Dad's parents were still alive to help. I'd have no one. 

She transferred to Akron General so that her personal doctor could see her, and they kept her overnight for observation. It turned out that everything looked ok, and the chest pains were probably just acid reflux disease, so that's good, but it still made me realize that my mom's getting up there.... and I would be devastated if she died. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. She is my rock- she's the only one I can take advice from, she helps me in everyway possible, she keeps me sane and on the right track. She's done everything for me and to think that someday I'm going to lose her.... I can't deal with it.

I've learned that I've been dealing with my depression by covering it up and denying it from existing. The reason why I have no drive in life is because I'm afraid to live it. I don't want to grow up, I don't like change and I wish everything could just stay right here right now. I hide my emotions by getting obsessed with things and becoming other people. I have only 1 thing that I know for absolute that I want and that is a family. And I want my mother to know my family and help me and give me advice. The problem is that requires a man/husband and I'm rather far off from finding one of those.

So after the whole mother being in the hospital thing, I get a call from [personal profile] soulless_lover again, who's stressing about her apartment. I told her I'd be able to come and help, but when I got back from the hospital I was really stressed and just wanted to play as Dean for a while, especially since it was Sammy's birthday (May 2nd). So I got on with [profile] pet_23 and we played... and it became 10:30pm and I was like... well if em wants me to come she'll call me... and then I get a IM from Ash saying that em's tried calling me like 5 times but wasn't getting thru... and I realize my phone was still off from when I was in the hospital. So I feel totally guilty and she asks me to come and I realized I had class... but I decide I can blow off my last class and help her clean up her apartment, so I drove up to Grafton at 11pm and helped her do her dishes until we collasped at about 4am.

Wednesday was spent watching her get her hair re-done for 5 hours before rushing back, grabbing laundry and rushing to the laundromat before it closed. We did 6 heavy duty garbage bags plus a hamper full of clothes in 1 hour using 1 50 lb. washer, 2 35 lb. ones, and 4 15 lb. ones... plus about 8 dryers. We got it all done and went back and folded it until 2am, then I finished the dishes at 4am again. Then we fell asleep and we got up and did diddly (aka read Lenore comics) until 3:30pm when she had to go to work. I came back to Kent with the intention of playing as Dean because he'd been ACHING to come back out, and got put on hold because I forgot I was going to go help usher at a concert. So I quick drove to the auditorium, ushered for 5 minutes, hugged MA and wished her good luck at her last performance, and then rushed home, hoping to catch my mom so we could look at houses together.... but I'd missed her.

Luckily, a package from [profile] pet_23 had come in the mail, so I whipped it open, loved the note, and shoved the DVD of interviews she had made me into my DVD player.... then almost chucked it out the window when it didn't work. (My dad bought the first DVD player on the market... cost $300, and doesn't even play burnt DVDs) Sooo I went to my mom's computer instead... but she doesn't have a DVD program for viewing. So I tried to download a free one.... but my options were limited because she still hasn't upgraded from Windows 98. But I finally managed to find one, install it, and watched 3 interviews with Jensen and Jared, then an interview with Christian Kane (cuz he's HOT and I love Petpet), then a shit load of SPN vids before it was 9pm and SPN was on.


*takes deep breath*

And I totally did not realize how crazy!obsessed!fangirl I was before this fandom. I've NEVER been this crazy about a show until now... and I think it's because of the timing in my life. 

But that's another discussion for another time because this post is insanely long and has so far taken 1 hour to write.

In closing... if anyone has the combination to the trunk, or the usernames and passwords to the laptop on the official website for Supernatural... please tell me because I'm DYING to get in there... and I thought I had the combo but I totally didn't. Dad's journal was a blast to read tho. Ok... sleep time. Good night!
bazolomew: (roadtrip)
Yay! Lotsa stuff to talk about.

First, the results of my audition are in, and I made it! Woo! I'm rather amazed because my audition went SHIT.... I got so nervous I was shaking and screwed up the final movement of my solo, then couldn't find my note to restart it for a good few moments, then finally found it and finished it. Then sight-reading... yeah there's a thing called a key-signature, right? Well I forgot ALLLL about that and started playing. Mr. Chunn was like, "Ok hang on... I think if you'll look at the key signature you'll like the piece better." Then he put a piece in 6/8 time in front of me and there were lots of 16th notes in it... and my brain was panicing so badly that I really couldn't play it. He put a different 6/8 piece in front of me and I could play that, so he told me to go back and I was like "Uhm... I really don't know how to count that...." And he was like "Well we can teach you that." I left the audition thinking that photography might not be so bad after all... but then I got the letter saying I made it. Yay for me! Now I'm just nervous because they were obviously banking on something, and for the life of me I can't think of what.

In other news I had a job interview and thought it went great, expect I havn't heard anything in a week. I'm planning on calling tomorrow to see...

And in further news, I had an eventful weekend, cuz Saturday was the Unofficial Beta Psi goes to Mongolian BBQ trip, and from there I went to [personal profile] soulless_lover 's mom's house to visit her. She's still in a bunch of pain, but the surgery went well and did what it was supposed to. I gave her a wee little devil ducky I found, and we watched the Chronicals of Narnia with her niece. It was a good film in the way of Edmund=Drake, but I felt SO cheated by all the damn Christian imagery. *sigh for that* Other than that I really liked it and we had a good time watching it. After that we talked for a while, and then it was getting late so I drove back home. 

A storm woke me up at 6:30 am, and so I decided to get an early start on my single person roadtrip to [profile] pet_23 's house. It's so far the farthest I've driven on my own, and it wasn't so bad on the way there. The sun was out and it was really rather fun. I felt like I had freedom to just the open road taking me anywhere I wanted to go. When I got to her house she introduced me to Supernatural. Yeah. I'm OBSESSED now. Not to say I'm done with Buffy/Angel, FAR from it, but the appeal of Dean and Sammy... mmmmmmmmmmmm. We watched 15 episodes of it, ending at 1:30am when I got there at about 12:30pm.... with a short break to go and get new bowls for her doggy from Wal-Mart... in which we were both slightly tired and unable to speak properly... and came up with a wonderful new word for "evil". "DARRGG!!!" I don't even remember how it came about, but Darg became the new catchphrase of the weekend.

Darg. adj. meaning: evil. "Dean was all DARG in Skin and he was HAWT."

The next day we got up and went out to eat for a while before coming back and watching the remaining episodes... and Hell House is my favourite so far, just because of the pranks. Though I'd have to rate Home really high up there, as well as Something Wicked, cuz Home was gutwrenching, and Something Wicked was full of Dean angst. Dean's my favourite now, though I can't say I don't love Sammy, but Dean's personality is so much better. *hides from Pet* He's just... hot. Plus the fact that Jensen and Christian Kane are RL friends makes my insides go melty. Sooo then we started burning DVDs for me because Pet's just awesome like that, and spent the rest of the night talking about naughty-wrong-lustful wincest fantasies.... and I got beaten by a pillow cuz I couldn't stop from helping Pet's "non"wrong thoughts become wrong. Heh heh heh. So then we finally fell asleep and I had to leave by 1:30pm, so I woke up early and packed, before Pet woke up and we said goodbye. 

Driving back at 80 mph in pouring down rain through Pennsylvania's mountains sucks. I don't think I could have done it if it had been night, because I could barely seen anything half the time, and I freaked myself out twice going too fast around a curve. Then I started channeling some Dean, and relaxed. Maybe if I'd been in a '67 Chevy Impala I could have relaxed further..... but we won't go into carlust. 

Annnnyway. Yeah. Thursdays, 9pm. Watch it. Only 2 episodes left in the regular season. I think that's about it for now. Good night!

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bazolomew

October 2016

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