So guess what? It's that time of year again when I get all stressed out, depressed, and doubtful and end up dropping all my classes and considering dropping out of college! Woohoo!
( School stuff )
( Roadtrip ideas )
Or maybe I'll just run for Chapter Field Representative for my Fraternity. But I think you need a degree... dammit.
HAPPEH BIRTHDAY BRAINTWIN!!!!!!!! I WUVA YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Jenneh loves Jpad and Dean loves his Sammich. And yanno, then there was buttsex. All cuz it's your birthday. *\o/*
In other news my job at DuBois is awesome, and school starts tomorrow. I'm excited tho, because I'm really thinking I'm gonna enjoy my classes. Although check my journal in a few months from now and that may be a little different. ;)
( School )
( Band )
( Fraternity )
( Christmas )
( Pet’s house! )
I’m back now, obviously, and have plans for this upcoming week along with other news, but it’s late, I’m not feeling well, and I have to be at work in 7 hours so I’m going to sign off now. Goodnight!
( Life (Project Runway and slight SPN Spoilers) )
( Labor Day in PA )
( Band )
That’s pretty much it. I think I’ve finally caught up. Yay. Maybe I’ll be less emo in the future. Oh well.
Next Thursday will hopefully be better… but I’m really scared that they’re going to do my worst fear with Dean. But I’m not going to mention it, because I don’t wanna become more emo. Goodnight.
First, the results of my audition are in, and I made it! Woo! I'm rather amazed because my audition went SHIT.... I got so nervous I was shaking and screwed up the final movement of my solo, then couldn't find my note to restart it for a good few moments, then finally found it and finished it. Then sight-reading... yeah there's a thing called a key-signature, right? Well I forgot ALLLL about that and started playing. Mr. Chunn was like, "Ok hang on... I think if you'll look at the key signature you'll like the piece better." Then he put a piece in 6/8 time in front of me and there were lots of 16th notes in it... and my brain was panicing so badly that I really couldn't play it. He put a different 6/8 piece in front of me and I could play that, so he told me to go back and I was like "Uhm... I really don't know how to count that...." And he was like "Well we can teach you that." I left the audition thinking that photography might not be so bad after all... but then I got the letter saying I made it. Yay for me! Now I'm just nervous because they were obviously banking on something, and for the life of me I can't think of what.
In other news I had a job interview and thought it went great, expect I havn't heard anything in a week. I'm planning on calling tomorrow to see...
And in further news, I had an eventful weekend, cuz Saturday was the Unofficial Beta Psi goes to Mongolian BBQ trip, and from there I went to soulless_lover 's mom's house to visit her. She's still in a bunch of pain, but the surgery went well and did what it was supposed to. I gave her a wee little devil ducky I found, and we watched the Chronicals of Narnia with her niece. It was a good film in the way of Edmund=Drake, but I felt SO cheated by all the damn Christian imagery. *sigh for that* Other than that I really liked it and we had a good time watching it. After that we talked for a while, and then it was getting late so I drove back home.
A storm woke me up at 6:30 am, and so I decided to get an early start on my single person roadtrip to pet_23 's house. It's so far the farthest I've driven on my own, and it wasn't so bad on the way there. The sun was out and it was really rather fun. I felt like I had freedom to just the open road taking me anywhere I wanted to go. When I got to her house she introduced me to Supernatural. Yeah. I'm OBSESSED now. Not to say I'm done with Buffy/Angel, FAR from it, but the appeal of Dean and Sammy... mmmmmmmmmmmm. We watched 15 episodes of it, ending at 1:30am when I got there at about 12:30pm.... with a short break to go and get new bowls for her doggy from Wal-Mart... in which we were both slightly tired and unable to speak properly... and came up with a wonderful new word for "evil". "DARRGG!!!" I don't even remember how it came about, but Darg became the new catchphrase of the weekend.
Darg. adj. meaning: evil. "Dean was all DARG in Skin and he was HAWT."
The next day we got up and went out to eat for a while before coming back and watching the remaining episodes... and Hell House is my favourite so far, just because of the pranks. Though I'd have to rate Home really high up there, as well as Something Wicked, cuz Home was gutwrenching, and Something Wicked was full of Dean angst. Dean's my favourite now, though I can't say I don't love Sammy, but Dean's personality is so much better. *hides from Pet* He's just... hot. Plus the fact that Jensen and Christian Kane are RL friends makes my insides go melty. Sooo then we started burning DVDs for me because Pet's just awesome like that, and spent the rest of the night talking about naughty-wrong-lustful wincest fantasies.... and I got beaten by a pillow cuz I couldn't stop from helping Pet's "non"wrong thoughts become wrong. Heh heh heh. So then we finally fell asleep and I had to leave by 1:30pm, so I woke up early and packed, before Pet woke up and we said goodbye.
Driving back at 80 mph in pouring down rain through Pennsylvania's mountains sucks. I don't think I could have done it if it had been night, because I could barely seen anything half the time, and I freaked myself out twice going too fast around a curve. Then I started channeling some Dean, and relaxed. Maybe if I'd been in a '67 Chevy Impala I could have relaxed further..... but we won't go into carlust.
Annnnyway. Yeah. Thursdays, 9pm. Watch it. Only 2 episodes left in the regular season. I think that's about it for now. Good night!
This entry is divided into two parts, good things/news and bad things/news. Bad things first.
First off, hugs to Aimee, a Brother in our chapter whose great grandmother just passed away. Second, hugs for Aaron, whose grandmother isn't doing so well either. Hugs to them both.
I think I pulled muscle or something in my leg, because it bloody hurts to walk on and it feels like all the muscles in it are really tight. It's probably because I've been DDRing and I havn't gotten that whole "warm up" thing down yet... I just kinda jump in. Then I stand up for 3 hours straight at basketball games, and run up and down bleachers... so it's not too happy with me.
In the "hurts" section also belongs my finger.... which Bailey stabbed with his claw yesterday morning. I was tying my shoe and he comes over and just sticks his claw deep into my index finger. He didn't rip it or anything... just in an out, but it was deep and felt as though I'd just stabbed myself with a needle. Then (me being smart) I didn't wash it so now it's a throbbing bump, and when I squeeze it puss comes out... so I think it's infected. It's acting like a really fucking painful pimple. Guess he got me back for accidently nearly closing the door on his tail, which I cuddled him and apologized over and over for after he was done hissing at me.
Also in the bad things section is the fact that I can't remember when kidcyclone comes back from Oregon and I feel bad calling her... but I think it's soon, thought I'm not sure. I hope that things are ok when she gets back tho... cuz she said that her husband is having car issues... as in they need a new one. Oh well... not much I can do about it other than give hugs and distractions.
Good things section:
I fricking learned how to use my Paint Shop program and OMG I'm so excited!!! Finally I found the "smudge" button and the "clone" button and lots of other buttons and I made my first manip last night! (Tho it's for my fraternity so I'm not going to post it because no one would get it.) I think it's pretty good for what I had to work with though. Maybe I will post it in time, but not right now.
My kitties are now completely boostered and vaccinated against everything they need to be, which makes me happy... tho Bailey fucking HATES the vet now. The first time we went he was curious until they gave him a shot... and he became a hissing monster... but calmed down. The second time I could barely get him out of the cat carrier... and when I did he was absolutely flat against the table, hissing at anything that moved, and trying to scratch Dr. Albers during the shot. He let me pet him gently (tho he did hiss at me) and when the Vet assistant tried to pet him, he was having none of that!! I managed to calm him down a bit afterward, and when we got home he was right as rain, but I couldn't believe the little hissing crazy he turned into. Analysis: Bailey+Vet=Hissing Devil. Drake on the other hand was as happy, curious, and hyper as usual, and only hissed when in the waiting room (while inside the carrier) when a dog got too close to the side of the carrier. And the dog was a massive 100+ pound boxer mix with a head larger than both my cats combined. I really don't think Drake was all that scary... but he tried which I guess gives kudos to him. (Loves my cats)
Let's see..... Oh I got rid of two more subscriptions to MMORPGs I never play anymore, which makes me happy, frees up tons of space on my computer, and saves me $30 more a month. Now I just have to figure out how to cancel FFXI since I uninstalled it already, and I need to plug my internet into my PS2 so I can unsubscribe from Everquest: Online Adventures since through the program is the only way to do so. (grumbles about phone calls that take 30 minutes due to all the damn button pushing when I have 1 specific question)
I finally found one of my favourite games for the Dreamcast, Evolution at the CD Game exchange... and I spent about 6 hours playing it. I love that game sooo much... it's one of the first RPGs I ever played. I first bought it for my brother's birthday when the Dreamcast was still new and worthwhile, and then when he went to college he took it with him and managed to get the system and all the games stolen... so I'm in the process of rebuilding the collection for myself. Now all I need is Evolution 2 (which I hadn't managed to beat) and I'll be set. God I love those games.
I also got new letters made and I love them so much... they look so cool. (Letters as in: Kappa Kappa Psi on a T-Shirt)
And the final good thing: KENT STATE MENS BASKETBALL FINISHED THEIR NORMAL SEASON #1 IN THE MAC... which means we automatically get a by in the MAC tourney. YAAAAAAAY TEAM! Hopefully we'll make it into the NCAA, which means the band is headed with the team to either: San Diego, Jacksonville, or Salt Lake City. LET'S GO KENT STATE!!!!
Think that's about it! It's dawn outside... and I have about 6-7 hours for sleep so I might want to get going.
Daddysire should be happy tho.... cuz I've brushed my teeth for the past three nights in a row. Yay for me!
Random update on life:
Last Saturday I got in my car, drove to soulless_lover 's workplace, picked her up, and then we left on a 3 hour roadtrip to the middle of PA. We got to pet_23 's beautiful new house at about 2am, and visited for a while before I fell asleep at about 5am. Then, after a morning full of two sweet little boys watching me play my game-boy and asking me all sorts of questions... ("Is that a tree?" "Is that the bad guy?" "Are you gonna win?" "What are you doing now?" "What's that little thing?" "Why can't I hear the sound?" "Are you going to turn the sound on?") ...I managed to escape into the privacy of a room with two vampires, and was greeted with smiles. After observing and having a great time watching, we finally left and I got to know them both alot better on the drive back. We then went to see Brokeback Mountain together and OMG... SADNESS! Good movie, SAD SAD SAD for about 3/4 of it tho. (The sex scene was fucking HOT too... except for the urge to destroy the DAMNED PRETEENS sitting in front of us giggling the whole time.)
More indepth description/spoilers later cuz I'm tired.
I can't remember if I mentioned how I've come up with an idea for a fanfic or not... but I have... and unfortunately it's looking like it will only work as an Angel/OC fic... because Spike really wouldn't fit the part without losing all that is Spike... and it has to take place in Season 2 of Buffy. It's going to be an AU tho... (what fics arn't these days? ;) ) And if I ever get time between work and band, I might actually get to start writing it.
Speaking of... I love my work. I'm working at a bookstore barely off-campus and I love it so hard. I'm good at it, and I enjoy looking up the books and getting them for people. Maybe I will apply at the library after all.
Oh and school.... ugh. I skipped my first class and decided to drop it... but I'm still unsure. Lots of reasons... too tired to get into it.
Also too tired to talk about frat stuff.
Oh well. That's life.
Ok, so my kittens are adorable and they're starting to like me more! Yay!
I almost missed my first rent payment date... and definitely missed my tuition payment date. Yay!
I've got insomnia. Yay!
I can't moderate my eating habits! Yay!
I'm also planning out 2 vids, one being a messed up Bangel (Anuffy? Bufangel? Angeffy?) and the other being a Spangel. I have clips in mind and know what I'm planning on doing... but there's the whole actually getting the clips and learning how to put it together and time it to music bits that I havn't learned yet. Oh well. Everything starts with a concept, right?
Speaking of which, I think I'll do some new year resolutions, even though I don't really believe in them. They're in no order.
1) Learn to manip/vid
2) Post on LJ more often than once a month or every few weeks
3) Maintain friendships with LJ friends, as well as Psi brothers, RL brother, mother, and gamer friends
4) Get my Little through the Psi process.
5) Take care of my kittens
6) Take care of myself.
7) Stay in my apartment
8) Get/Keep a job
9) not get behind in Latin
10) Not drop a class
That's all for now. Until next time... adios.
So I havn't updated since I got back mostly becuase it's been crazy busy here, and I've been lazy.
I got home fine. I finished the Star Wars book. Can't remember the real title so I'll make one up. The Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader. Or whatever. Something like that.
Had Christmas Eve massaging soulless_lover 's shoulder cuz she hurt it moving, and then drank and watched Vampire Hunter D. Good movie that.
Left early in the morning to drive home to Mom's house, got there before my brother even woke up so I got to spend an hour trying to stay awake before pressies. Opened a BUNCH of stuff I needed for the apartment, I heart my mommy. Then went over to my brother's girlfriend's family's house, and had a blast. They're such nice people. I heart them. They've said I'm part of the family, which makes me feel really nice.
In fact, the next day I went back over to their house, without my brother or my mom to help them eat left-overs, and had another really good time.
Then I moved on the 27th and the 28th. That was crazy. I learned that moving even 1 room by myself is impossible. I'm not strong so I had to move EVERY box and item BY ITSELF, which meant TONS of trips up and down stairs and in and out of doors. It took me forever. I finally gave up and moved about half of it then waited until the next day when my mom helped me with the rest and it went about 2939582456 times faster.
On the 29th I set up my apartment and spent about $150 dollars on other needed things, and then yesterday, my mom and I went kitty adopting. We went to the APL in our county, and I found the most adorable little female kitten... she was so cute and had just been spayed so I would have had to take special care of her.... but then was DENIED HER because I wasn't twenty-fucking-one yet. FUCKING AGE DISCRIMINATION STIKES AGAIN. You would THINK that a place that is OVERRUN with cats would LOVE to get rid of another one to a good loving home... BUT NO. Apparently I'm not mature enough to have a kitten. At 20 years of age, I can die for my fucking country, but I can't adopt a kitten.
I left the APL almost in tears, then almost got into an accident because my saddness changed into anger.
After I calmed down, my mom suggested calling the Humane Society in the county next to us and seeing what their age limit was. We called. They adopt out to 18 year olds, but they had no kittens. However, they gave us the name of 6 other agencies. I called 1, and they not only adopt out to 18 year olds, but they also had kittens! We drove over there, and I fell in love with not one, but TWO kittens.
They're brothers, both about 10 weeks old, both neutered, and both gone through all shots and tests except for 1, which the place will do for free in the middle of January. The one is grey with black tiger stripes, and I named him Bailey, and the other is black and white, and I named him Drake. I love them soooo much.
Last night they were getting to know me, and today they weren't as afraid of me anymore. However, I almost had a heart attack because Drake found a crevace under my heater that I didn't even know existed... and he got stuck! He couldn't go forward to get out, so my mom helped me by rigging up a little battering ram out of a washcloth and a rod, and he managed to nudge him from the front. Luckily he was able to reverse his way out of the crevace, and we got him out. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown once he was in my arms, and I think I may have scared him a bit because he seemed a little more shy of me than usual.
However, it's gotten better in recent hours and he's now about back to normal. Except that now they get to stay locked in my kitchen until my mom and I rig up a way to keep the crevace closed. That'll be tomorrow hopefully.
It's kinda odd. Now that I'm living by myself, I'm seeing more of my mother than when we lived together. I wonder if that's typical, or strange. Oh well. I love my mother. And my kitties. And my apartment... though I'm still very nervous that I might start to hate it after a while.
I'm consumed with worry about that and the kittens. I'm so scared that I'm going to turn out to be a horrible owner. That I'll start to neglect them like I neglect myself... or my friends. I've never been good with committment... and now I committed myself to about 20 years of full time responsibility. I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt them.
That's what most of my breakdown was about really. The fact that I had let my baby kitty get into harm while I was washing dishes. The fact that I was only thinking about 1 need of mine, when now I HAVE to worry about lots of things all at once. I don't know if I'll be able to handle the kittens, school, having a Little in the Fraternity, and possibly a job all at once. The problem is that the only thing I can afford to not do is the Little... and I really don't want to give that up. I mean, I'm spending SO much money... so I need a job, and I HAVE to continue school or else I can't do the Fraternity and I'd have no real reason for existance... and I HAVE to take care of the kittens because no one else can. My mom's allergic to them and so is everyone else... plus I can't take them back to the shelter.
I'm just nervous, stressed, and scared at the moment. And the biggest problem is that it's still fricking "vacation". Maybe once school starts again, I'll have a better idea of how much I've really bit off, and try to decide how much I can chew. I just hate all this anticipation when I know I should be sitting back and relaxing. I suppose that I'll only be able to relax once I'm out of school... which unfortunately isn't going to be anytime soon.
And this upcoming semester was supposed to be my "blow off" semester. Ha.
First and foremost, I managed to write a 5 page paper without know what my subject was in 5 hours. YAY FOR ME. I'm SO HAPPY that's done. It was for my History class. Now all I have to do is write an English paper and study for 2 final tests and I'll be done with work for school.
Seeing Daddysire in:
Then I'm gone for a week, come back for Christmas, and (SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS) on December 27th, I'm moving into my very own 1 bedroom apartment all to myself. HELL YES. This means I can have Daddysire and anyone else I want over and won't have to worry about people learning what we're up to. ALSO (SOOOO HAPPYYYY) THEY ALLOW CATS!!!!!!!!!! I've always wanted a cat. Alot. A very lot. So I'm getting one. I'm moving on the 27th, and getting a kitten from the APL that very day if I can. SOOO EXCITEEDDD!!!
So then, Spring Break, or random weekends, people can come and visit me, instead of me being the traveler to everywhere else and being ashamed to have people get within 249 miles of my city. (a little exagerated but you get the point.) Plus, Daddysire's never been to Ohio.... I wonder whether Daddysire's ever seen snow.... perhaps Daddysire should come visit me to learn what lake effect snow and coldness are really all about... *evil grin*.
Yeah, so I'm intensly happy. Like, I'm fucking exstatic. And I can't even spell the damn word.
Also, in the Fraternity... we picked Littles, and I'm excited for mine. Not gonna say no more. Just that I think it's going to be a good semester next.
(you get a happy if you can identify where that's from)
So I'm up late again, having a productive evening looking up people I know on LJ and friending them whether they want to be my friend or not. And... I do post some rather interesting stuff on here... and have some interesting stuff in my profile, but fuck it. This is me and everything I post is important to and a part of me. Still is kinda embarassing, but I'm getting over it.
So I hated how plain my journal looked and bought a paid account. Yay for me.
I made my banner. It's very simple. Yay for me.
I'm speaking simple too.
I'm supposed to be sleeping.
pet_23 made the layout of my journal possible because I was a bumbling idiot. Again, majour props to her.
Uhm. almost 1 week of school left. Yay for that.
1 week of school means 1 week to write 2 papers. Boo for that.
1 week of school means 2 weeks until I visit daddysire!!! YAY for THAT!!!
I found a couple silver hairbrushes on ebay... and one is PERFECT in all manners because it's from the 1850s and looks perfect and everything... but the seller wants fricking CASH for it AND he lives in England. So I'm bummed about that.
Problem... posting in journal leaves a timestamp...
I'm supposed to be sleeping.
Watch me not do it.
So I'm happy that I finished the Slideshow for the Band Banquet which happens to be tomorrow. That relieves me tonnes. Now I just have to figure out how to get everyone's pictures back to them... but that's ok.
I also have to finish reading The Color Purple by monday at 1pm so I have an hour to type up a three-part thesis about three interesting things about it for my final paper in English 10002.
In other news, I got my doctor to prescribe me anti-anxiety pills for flying, so that I don't have nervous breakdowns before/during flight. I also bought my tickets, so I am officially going to see Daddy... which makes me happy. I'm especially excited because he said he'd get his webcam hooked back up so pet and emily can watch... which embarasses the hell out of me in a completely kinky good way! :)
Now I just have to forget about the fact that I won't be by the window during the flight back... (I had a panic attack the one time I wasn't by a window when I flew a couple years ago... I've managed to be by one ever since. I think I don't like the idea of not being able to see the ground.) But with the pills, hopefully I'll be fine.
I bought a dress today... my third ever in my life. Yay for being "feminine". Plus it actually was slightly fun to try on dresses with my other friends... I've never really gone to the mall with a bunch of friends before. Yay for growing up.
I've been thinking about how much I feel kinda bad about using my blog for a journal of my life, while everyone else uses it for fun things like manips or stories or something. Maybe it's just because I'm in college and have no free time to write stories anymore... or maybe it's because I never really felt my ones were all that good... or maybe I just lost my writing muse... but the thought of writing a fanfic right now just seems more like a chore than fun. And that's slightly sad.
I hate school. I wish I could go on a permanent break. The only reason I'm still in it is because of my friends, the fraternity, and band. I really don't want to go on with my major. I'm so lazy... and I could probably get a job doing what I want without a college degree. I only ever came to college in the first place because of the expectations of my parents, and because of peer pressure. I have no real desire to do work... and I'm hurting myself in the long run by not taking things seriously so my permanent GPA is low.
Did I mention that I'm in a crappy mood?
Oh well. Yay for another long ramble about my depressedness. I'm starting to think that I need to go back on my anti-depressants since my life has taken a turn for the lonely and depressing.
Time to get back happy again...
I am happy that I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire twice in the first 24 hours it was released... I'm not a geek... and it blew my socks off. Other than the GAPING HOLES they left in it... it really was very entertaining and kept true to the story in most respects. The things they chaged, they only did in the interest of time, and they changed it WELL instead of making up something dumb. (Movie 1: Hagrid gives Norbert to DUMBLEDORE?!?! HOW did he not lose his job?!?! Movie 3: "WAAAHHH HE KILLED MY PARENTS I'M GONNA CRY ABOUT IT IN THE SNOW!!!!") Overall I was very impressed with it, and I hope that Mike Newell does the next ones as well. Unlike the third movie, which was just dark and depressing, the fourth was darker when it NEEDED to be, and very funny when the audience needed a little relief. Plus the ending... OMG hearing a 15 year old boy sobbing his heart out made me follow suit in spades! (how's that for a mixed metiphor? ;) )
Yay for HP... always cheers me up :)